I used to have a very low self-confidence and the lack of it affect my life in many ways. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there struggling because they don’t trust enough on themselves. It doesn’t have to be this way. Differently from what I used to believe, I found out that I could build my own self-confidence, and I want to share with you how you can start doing the same for yourself today.
Why do you need to build self-confidence?
See, I used to think that there are some people who are born with self-confidence and others who are not. And I wasn’t between the ones who were graced with it.
I was wrong. Self confidence can certainly be built and developed.
Why should you build self-confidence?
First, because when you feel confident about yourself, life becomes easier. Believe me! You start doing things that you once thought you could never do. You will take more risks and get more from life. You will be able to do ordinary things that you may used to think were hard to do, such as making that call or simply saying no and standing up for your own needs.
Wouldn’t it be great to not be afraid or ashamed of things that have nothing not to be afraid or ashamed of? Well, the solution is self-confidence.
The second reason I want to give you is because of the Law of Attraction (LOA). The LOA brings to you things that match your vibration. If you think you can’t achieve success, you simply won’t. If you feel you can’t be successful, LOA will keep bringing to you things that prove you can’t be successful. So, whatever you think, you’re right! Interesting, isn’t it?
That’s why building a rock-solid self-confidence is so important. And that’s also why those people who are confident about themselves seem to get everything they want while those who lack confidence seem to never get what they truly deserve.
This unique skill can change your life. You should start building your self-confidence today! The more confidence you have, the more it increases. I find this fascinating. Once you build a bit self-confidence, this confidence you have built seems to build more of it by itself. It’s like re-investing your money.
Also, the more confidence you have, the stronger will be your willpower to pursue what you want. Because you will believe you can get it! Along with that, you will have more resiliency to keep going when facing adversities. Because you recognize those are just obstacles, and obstacles can’t stop you. Nothing can stop you when you feel totally confident of yourself.
Tips to start building your self-confidence
1. Be aware of self sabotage thoughts and actions.
Lack of self-confidence will make you try to sabotage yourself. The first thing you can do to minimize this habit is to be aware of your thoughts.
Try to “listen” to your own thoughts throughout the day. Whenever you catch a negative thought about yourself, STOP it.
Then, be kind and assertive towards your negative self. Say something like this:
“I understand I used to think this way and I don’t judge myself for thinking like this in the past. From now on, these kind of thoughts don’t serve me anymore and I won’t accept to be undermined in any way.”
Now, you should also be aware of your actions and if they are of your best interest. Whenever you’re about to do something, ask yourself:
“Is this action I’m about to take of my best interest? Does it align with what I want as an outcome? Is there a better option?”
Doing this will prove to yourself that you have self-respect and that you value your needs, desires and goals.
2. Create something to respect about yourself every day.
If you put tip number in practice, you will already be implementing also tip number two. Creating something to respect about yourself means to do things for yourself.
Once you wake up in the morning, you may ask:
“What can I do for myself today? How can I be of service to myself?”
Think of someone you truly love. Don’t you like to do things to please this person or to help her? You should do the same for yourself.
For example, lets say you’re feeling a bit bad with yourself because you have been procrastinating in doing something you know it’s good for you or that you have to do. It may be that you’re procrastinating in scheduling that appointment with your physician. It may be that you’re procrastinating in defining your goals for this month. Decide you will do it today. And do it!
These are little things that if you do consistently every day will surely increase your self-confidence (and self-esteem!). You will feel you’re starting to truly take responsibility for yourself and for the achievement of your goals.
3. Set yourself up for easy success.
Many times we want to achieve success quickly and end up setting goals or plans that are too demanding on ourselves or impractical to do in the time we stipulate. Then, if we can’t achieve those goals, we make negative judgement of ourselves, thinking we are not good enough, intelligent enough, efficient enough, etc.
You must set yourself up for EASY success. When having a goal or an outcome you want, ask yourself:
“What is the first simple and easy action I can take now in order to be closer in achieving my goal?”
Keep only one goal as your focus at a time. Then, once you’ve completed that task, don’t go to the next one right away. First, REWARD yourself for having completed it. For instance, you can take yourself out for lunch, you could give yourself 15 minutes to relax and listen to your favorite music, you could give yourself a few bucks to your own fund to buy that thing you want so badly.
Then, you can think about what’s the next simple and easy action you must take.
This way, you will be cutting down your goals in straightforward tasks that you can actually accomplish. By rewarding yourself, you will create a trigger in your subconscious mind that will make you more and more effective because it is pleasurable to complete any task you set up for yourself.
4. Make a list of your daily achievements.
At the end of your day, before going to bed, grab a journal and make a list of the things you have accomplished that day. Like this you will be reaffirming your accomplishments and showing yourself that you are an ACHIEVER.
This will definitely increase your self-confidence. You will be exercising the muscle of believing you can achieve whatever you set yourself up to.
5. Practice the feeling of confidence.
All of the tips above are very important because they create new beneficial habits, but all of them have a bottom-line. Their goal is to make you feel confident about yourself.
And you can practice this feeling at any moment without having to actually do anything else. You just have to ask yourself:
“How would I feel if I were completely confident of myself right now?What would I think? How would I walk and talk? How would I stand? What would I say?”
Feel that confidence building up inside of you when you think about these questions. You can do this when you’re by yourself at a quiet place, you can do it during a meeting, before giving a talk, before talking to that person… This is very useful when you need instant confidence.
If you can’t think about how it would feel to be truly confident, think about a person you consider to be like that. A person you admire for her self-confidence. Then imagine yourself being like that person.
Use this technique not only when you need instant confidence, but practice it throughout the day. It can be something like 5 minutes three times a day, 15 minutes once a day, 60 seconds every hour, or whatever is convenient to you. Find the frequency that greater affects how you feel.
6. Commit yourself and follow through.
Commit yourself more. Don’t say you will “try” to do things, say you will do it. This puts your brain in a mode to find a solution. It conditions yourself because you have no other option.
However, it is very important that you follow through. Otherwise you will create the habit of not completing tasks. This can be damaging to you, either when you’re committing yourself to do things to other people or when you’re committing to yourself. And in both cases, it will be at the cost of your self-esteem.
If you have difficulties in following through your commitments, develop the habit of completing small tasks you set up for yourself (as in tip number 2), such as washing the dishes today, answering to that email… Once you’ve committed and are facing resistance to follow through, say to yourself:
“I don’t want to pay the price of not doing this. It would affect my self-esteem and keeping a high self-esteem is very important to me.”
Just by affirming this, you will feel your self esteem increasing and consequently you will trust more in yourself, improving your self-confidence.
It’s about keeping your personal integrity.
I like to say:
Self confidence does increase self-esteem, but self-esteem creates/builds self-confidence.
You can’t have unstoppable self-confidence without having a high esteem for yourself.
7. Refuse to be manipulated by fear.
Many times when we lack self-confidence is because our fears are greater than our faith in ourselves. But this is not living the life you deserve to live, this is being manipulated by your fears.
We will always have fears. In order to conquer them, we need to tilt the scale towards our self-confidence. Therefore, even in the face of fear we will be able to act and keep going.
Tell yourself every morning after waking up:
“Today I refuse to be manipulated by fear. Today my self-confidence and self-esteem rise above all else.”
The more you’re able to conquer small fears, the more you will be able to conquer your biggest fears. That’s why it’s important to do things that make you uncomfortable. It builds self-confidence to the point you won’t even feel uncomfortable with that anymore.
The scientific side…
Research shows that modifying your thoughts and establishing habits as these above create new neuro-pathways in the brain and it physically changes it. I’m completely confident that if you commit yourself in doing these 7 simple tips, you will notice a big difference in just a few weeks.
Wish you all the best on your pursuit to build self-confidence.
I would love to hear your feedback. And if you do choose to apply my tips, please share with us your experience in the comment session below.
Lots of love,